Saturday, August 1, 2015

A Fly on Our Wall

I used to have pages and pages of “Ryanisms” on an old blog. They were hard to keep up with so I eventually tapered off and stopped but family and friends mention and ask about it all the time. So for your enjoyment, a few Ryanisms sharing just what it’s like to be a fly on the wall in our marriage. Don’t get too excited though, my average here lately has been one chunk of these shared per year.

Sara: Careful, you’ve got some lasagna on your arm.
Ryan: Ah, it won’t hurt me.
Sara: No, but it’s not too good for your white shirt.
Ryan: You mean this crappy undershirt my nipples show through? I feel like it’s not a concern.

Sara: What is this?! That neighbor is lighting firecrackers out there. It’s the fifth of July!
Ryan: Yeah, well. If you got it, flaunt it. You know?


Once our kids leave I’ll have a weird abandonment issue and get a dog to go hiking with. I don’t know, dogs are too social. Dogs are always smelling you and being all over you and stuff. That’s why I like cats. They just ignore you and then every once in a while they’re like, “What up?! I’ma sleep on you!” And you can be like, “No, get off me” or “That’s cool, I could use some snuggles.”

[Answers phone, listens a while, rolls eyes and hangs up]
Ryan: It was some prison.
Sara: What? Did you accept the call?
Ryan: Nah, I didn’t hear the name and it didn’t repeat it.
Sara: What if it was someone we know?! What if someone needs help?
Ryan: Oh yeah, good point. Oh well, they shouldn’t have gotten themselves into prison.

On IVF
Ryan: I bet you could just do that yourself instead of spending thousands of dollars on it.
Sara: No, how would you get the egg?
Ryan: I don’t know, we could Google it. If someone else can do it, you can do it. That’s what I’ve learned in life.

On the blurb describing his book
Ryan: Just leave it blank. Some books don’t even have a description on the back.
Sara: Yes they do. They’re just hardcover books and the description is on the inside jacket.
Ryan: Pshhh, no one is going to read that. People don’t open the book. They’re just like, ‘Aw, now I have to buy this to find out.’
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If you enjoyed these, I highly recommend you check out Ryan’s new eBook, 50 Shades of Grease. Not only is it funny, it also gives really practical advice for avoiding spending money on unnecessary vehicle maintenance/repairs. I learned quite a lot from it! But I will admittedly never use any of it because I married a mechanic. ;]

You can get it here for Kindle, and here for Nook/Apple/Kobo devices. If you don't have any of those, you can download this free eReader for your computer and then get the book here

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Thanks so much for your comments! I always read them, don't always have time to answer quickly. Sorry about that!