Sunday, March 27, 2016


I wanted several children for me. I wanted to experience all of your different personalities. I wanted to know you all, to see your three very different hearts.

I wanted several children for you. I wanted you to all grow up with friends.

Someday I hope you stand up for each other on the playground. I hope you hold hands when one of you is scared. I hope you hug one another and brush away the tears that come with a bad scrape. I hope I sometimes hear you whisper “It’s okay, I won’t tell Mom!”

I hope you someday decide to go to the mall or library and call out, “Anybody wanna come with me?” I hope you go bowling together.

Someday, I hope you all live near each other. I hope you go to lunch once in a while. I hope you get together for barbecues after church on Sundays. I hope you help each other move. I hope you bring each other chicken soup when somebody’s sick.

I hope you are someday standing up in your finest in each other’s bridal parties. I hope you are kind and loving to each other’s spouses. I hope people say you are a close-knit family, that you’re all always hanging out.

Someday, I hope you are proud and present aunts & uncles to your nieces and nephews. I hope you are a loud and embarrassing-but-not-really cheering section at football games or gymnastic meets or spelling bees. I hope your children are each other’s best friends.

I am somehow wildly excited to someday be surrounded by the kind of huge crowd that normally gets my heart racing and my throat constricting. I hope I someday have to shout to be heard over all of you and all of your children. I hope I am someday pulling dinner out of the oven while you all laugh and play cards in the living room, while all the little cousins run around shrieking and laughing at my feet.

Right now I know it’s important to be your parent… but someday, when you’re older, I hope we are friends. I hope we go to the movies or go hiking or take your kids to the zoo together.

Someday I will be gone and you will be my greatest legacy, the thing I spent the most time and energy on before releasing to the world. You will take what you learned and experienced, what you liked and didn’t like, and you will raise children of your own. Those children will go on to do the same thing. So will their children, and their children. I am the legacy of people whose names I don’t even know. Such a strange and wonderful thing to think about.

I hope you someday look back and see the mother I am trying to be. I hope you look back and see the childhood your dad and I are trying so hard to create. I hope you look back someday and are proud of me. 

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