Sometimes Ryan and I stay up too late talking about life and God and the Bible. Last night was one of those nights.
We got into some of the topics that confuse and frustrate us in our faith.
For example, WHY?
I don't mean to be all Negative Nancy, but humans kind of seem to me like a colossal mistake. At our best we are sinful and selfish, at our worst we are downright evil.
Why save Noah and his family? Why bother? Why make that promise when He knew it would all fall to pieces again?
Eventually Ryan said something I can't get out of my head today.
"I think everything is a lot easier, makes a lot more sense, if you remember God is a parent."
That's a very good point.
Here's the thing. We want one more baby. We already know that baby is going to seriously piss us off. Even as a tiny baby it'll make us a little crazy sometimes, right? It'll spit up on me when I am fresh from the shower in an outfit I feel cute in. It'll keep us up all night, alllll the time. It'll take its shoes off and lose one, probably from a pair I JUST bought. It'll tear pages in books, dump out the contents of my purse, tantrum, hit its siblings. As it gets older, things will get worse. It’ll come home from a friend’s house with a toy that doesn’t belong to it, or maybe I’ll get a phone call from another mother who says my child hit or bullied hers. It will talk back and argue with me. There is a chance, though I love to tell myself otherwise, it’ll up a teen parent or will put our whole family through the ringer with a drug or alcohol problem.
But I don’t care.
That’s pretty big. I don’t even care if that kid is going to put me through hell because I already love it. It’s already worth it to me. The good far outweighs the bad. If I knew right now, today, that one of these three babies was going to start a fire in the kitchen that cost us our home and everything in it, or would grow up to steal a car and spend years in prison, or would pick fights at every family reunion… I would still love these children just the same, still want them, still want to spend every moment I can soaking up their goodness.
So I guess that’s God. God/Dad.
I have pissed him off pretty bad before, I’m sure. I probably still will. But he still loves me like crazy because my laugh and my freckles and my random, awful dance moves make his day. Because he knows my heart and he knows I want to be a good person deep down, because he knows I have regrets and he knows I’ve learned lessons the hard way, because he knows I have so much potential and will do so many great things.
Kind of wonderful.