Sunday, January 1, 2017

Happy New Year!

Happy 2017!

I never really do anything to celebrate the new year, but I still wake up every January 1st with an exciting sense of the fresh start a new year brings.

Today I've been keenly aware of the blessing of time, age, and mistakes that bring on learning.

The person I was (chicken-fryer, clothes-folder, dancer, runner, dental assistant... and liar, jerk, Internet-addict, opportunist, and more I'd love to not share and move on from) juxtaposes with the person I am now (wife, mother, writer, work-in-progress with a temper who makes a lot of stupid decisions based on insecurity). It's a good reminder of all the bad parts of myself I've shed and overcome, sometimes with a victory dance and sometimes with a walk of shame... and an even better reminder that I can live to be 104 years old I will still die a sinner, having sinned probably just a few hours before, because no matter how hard we work we will never really be exactly the perfect person we dream of being.

That of course reminds me of God's great mercy and of the fact that He already knew about all the sins I've committed, even before I was born and already sinning.

I hope very much I've been forgiven by all the people I've so stupidly hurt during the course of my short life... but I am so thankful for forgiveness from my creator, and for the blessings he so lovingly offers me even in spite of my flaws.

Blessings like toddler giggles, a little boy jumping off the couch in a homemade cape, a husband who loves me and works hard to provide for our family so I can be home with our babies. Blessings like good health and a warm bed, healthy relationships and food in my belly. Blessings that sometimes don't feel like blessings while I'm in them, like the boyfriend who dumped me despite fervent and feverish prayers or the baby girls I'm so in love with when I once prayed to only have sons. Blessings like clouds and rain and good books, like struggles that hurt but grow me, like all you sweet readers who make me feel known and loved.

Happy New Year, y'all!

May the December 31st, 2017 you look back at your January 1st you and smile.

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