Sunday, April 16, 2017


Happy Easter!

Yikes, time has been moving by at hyperspeed all week. Between illness, falling back into a routine after our vacation, and settling into a different house, life has just been crazy. But good crazy, you know?

Lately I've been...

reading The Lucky Few (loved it!) and The Magic of Motherhood. I took a break from We Stood Upon Stars for TLF and for some reason haven't picked it back up yet, but soon. I also started The Nightingale on Kindle but nights have been weird and I haven't gotten very far yet.

writing pretty exclusively in my journal and in my kids' journals. I always notice strange shifts in my writing. Sometimes I'll have crazy poetic thoughts on God and motherhood and life just flowing out of me, then other times I'll be overflowing with fun fiction words, then I'll hit a weird sweet spot where all my words are just private thoughts on my life. Right now I'm  in that last category.

formatting the cover for Blessed by Birth!! This is possibly the #1 most frustrating part of publishing for me. I am not into cover design at all. AT. ALL. But I absolutely love the artist's work so at least all I have to deal with is the spine and the back copy this time around! (Watch the book trailer here, and find it on Goodreads here!)

missing my dad. As of a few days ago, I haven't seen him or my brother in three years :'[

thinking a lot about how fleeting these little years are and how desperately I want to make the most of them while I still can. I remember only having one baby who was a great napper and wondering why everyone was so negative about their kids and always complaining about needing more alone time. I still don't get why everyone is so negative about their own children... but if anyone gets that desperate need for alone time, it's me. Yikes. There is nothing in the world like motherhood, is there? I have never in my life been so desperate to hold on and never let go, and also to back far away and just breathe.
I hope that practicing contentment will make every season beautiful. I get really sad when people tell me that these are the best days of my life, I guess for a few reasons. First, because even though these days are precious and beautiful... they're so hard! I'm so tired! I'm parenting pretty non-stop right now, from 6:30 or 7am until 7 or 8pm, and most nights at least one of my kids stays up later than that for whatever reason. So it's very hard to be feeling so tired and overwhelmed, and forever so behind on housework, and yet somehow pause to take in all the little moments of each day that I know I'll someday really miss. It also makes me sad because I don't want this to be it. I want to be overwhelmed with joy and with the beauty of my life at each and every stage. I want to think my life can't get any better in five, ten, 20 years. I want to be madly in love with the conversations I have with my articulate older kids, and with watching and helping my teenagers turn into adults. I want to be in love with the "friend" stage of just hanging out and not doling out advice when they grow up and move out, and I want to be in love with the extra time with my husband and with watching these kids be parents. I want to end every single year thinking, "This was a great year." Last year we had some pretty intense stuff happen but the end of the year came and I thought about the baby we'd had, the hiking we'd done, the new words my boy had started to say, the books we'd read... and it still felt like a really great year. I want every year to be like that.
I want every year, even the rough years, to have a family vacation (even if it's just a night in a hotel in the next town over!), a few crazy dance parties, a book we can't stop talking about, a hilarious story we repeat all the time much to our friends' chagrin. I want my whole life to be the best days of my life.

feeling hot and cold. The weather is at that funky point where I wake up freezing cold and pull on a sweater, then feel overwhelmingly hot in the afternoon, then freezing in the evening. Then my permanently freezing two-year-old says she's cold so Ryan turns the heater on at bedtime and I wake up sweating and overheating, then again freezing in the morning. I just want to be cold allllll the time.

listening to a Christian country playlist I made a few weeks ago. And Sparrows Rising, because I can't get enough and I still can't believe I'm kinda-sorta related to somebody making real, good music! (which is about to be on PANDORA! Isn't that awesome and nuts?! I feel like that is the most legit a musician can be in 2017)

loving how idealistic my boy is about holidays. I have no idea where he gets that from ;]
Early on the morning of February 14th I was lying there in bed and heard him go out to the living room to talk to Ryan. He quickly realized Dad was in his work clothes and very seriously asked, "Why are you going to work?! It's Valentine's Day!"
Last night we tucked him into bed and he insisted that we make eggs for breakfast. "We have to eat eggs in the morning! It's Easter!" My first thought was that he is so adorably idealistic. My second thought was that if we eat eggs for breakfast I won't want deviled eggs for lunch and it's Easter! So my third thought was "Oh. Ha ha."

planning birthdays! A turns four next week, then we have my birthday, mother's day, and our sweet little C's first birthday. I can't believe we're already here, FOUR YEARS OLD! The first birthdays are usually a little hard for me too, but gosh. FOUR. He wants a Lorax cake and I am horrible at art so wish me luck! =]

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